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Baron Munchausen’s Crawl Test Lab

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A horse drinking at a fountain while the water pours out of its missing back half.
Fig. 24. The specimen, drawn from life.

Pirates boarded our ship off Tunis and asked for gold. I offered them a riddle instead. It was so hard that the captain sat down to think. His crew joined him. They are still there, I believe, and their beards have grown through the deck and out the hull.

Gibraltar was a modest hill when I took it up as a hobby. I fed it well, gave it lots of sea air, and sang to it at night. Within a month it stood taller than any fort in Spain. Both kings sent men to claim it, but only I knew its favorite song.

Pistols need no powder if you load them with insults. I proved this in a duel at Dresden. I aimed and then I called him a turnip. He fell to the grass in a dead faint. His seconds took it up with me, but I had a spare insult for each.

Rainbows make poor bridges, as I learned in Ireland. I rode up one side with a full pack and a goat. The red was firm, the blue was slick, and the violet gave way at once. We landed in a bog. The goat has been a strange color ever since.

Even my fleas were braver than other men's soldiers. A single squad of them held a fort in Moldavia for a month. They bit the enemy's horses, then his cooks, then his flag. I gave each one a tiny medal, and.