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My sword was so sharp that I had to keep it in a jar. I shaved with it from across the room. In Smyrna I sliced a rumor in two, and both halves ran off in shame. A jeweler once tried to touch the edge, and he is now two jewelers.

Camels spit only at liars, so you can guess why they adore me. In Arabia a herd of them followed me for miles, dry as dust and full of respect. One old bull offered me his hump. I declined, being a modest man, and rode two of them instead.

Generals have always sought my advice, and I have always charged for it. One old Austrian asked me how to win at Temesvar. I told him to stand on the other side. He did, and he won, although the people around him were quite surprised to find him there.

Honey was scarce the year my bees went on strike. They wanted shorter days and larger flowers. I met their queen in the orchard, and we talked it over with great care. I gave them the whole of Bohemia in bloom. They gave me a barrel a day, and a small medal.

Comets are simply horses with good lungs. I roped one over Sweden and rode it bareback past Saturn. The tail singed my britches. At.