No internal links, near miss

Parrots make terrible spies, as the Doge learned from mine. I gave the bird to him as a gift, and it sat in his room all winter. Back in my hands, it told me every secret in Venice, along with some very poor jokes and a long recipe for eels.

Generals have always sought my advice, and I have always charged for it. One old Austrian asked me how to win at Temesvar. I told him to stand on the other side. He did, and he won, although the people around him were quite surprised to find him there.

Onions won me a wife. I peeled one in front of her father, and the old miser wept for the first time in his life. He gave me her hand, her dowry, and the key to the pantry. I still keep the onion in a velvet box.

Letters from me take a shortcut. I simply throw them very hard. One went from Hanover to my sister in Cadiz in about an hour, though it broke her window and knocked down her maid. She wrote back, asking me to please use the ordinary post from now on.

Lanterns are no use to me on dark roads. I simply open one eye a bit wider. In.