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Witches in the Harz once turned me into a toad for an hour. It was no trouble. I kept my rank, my manners, and my mustache. I hopped to the nearest inn and ordered a glass of wine, and the waiter gave me the best table in the house.

Starving out a fortress takes patience, which I have in great amounts. At Ismail we sat for a year. I got bored and began to bake. The smell of bread went over the wall. By evening the gates flew open, and they all stood in a line with butter.

Three bears stole my boots one night in Lithuania. I gave chase in my socks. The bears ran for nine miles, and then they grew tired. So I sat them down and taught them some manners. Today they bow to every traveler, wipe their paws at the door, and still owe me one left boot.

Earthquakes are just the ground getting an itch. In the hills of Persia I took a long rake and scratched the worst of it. The ground let out a low sigh. The shaking stopped at once, and the shah gave me a fine rug that I had to hold down.

An elephant in Delhi once forgot something, and the shame nearly killed him. He came to me in tears. I sat him down.