Redirecting assets

Roosters woke me too early, so I taught mine to crow at noon. The whole village soon lost track of the day. Bakers slept in. Priests said Mass at dusk. The mayor begged me to stop it, and I agreed, for a small pension and all the eggs in town.

Even my fleas were braver than other men's soldiers. A single squad of them held a fort in Moldavia for a month. They bit the enemy's horses, then his cooks, then his flag. I gave each one a tiny medal, and I pinned them on with my best needle.

Moths ate every uniform in my regiment one night in Kiev. We woke in our skin at a bad time, for the enemy had come. The sight of six hundred bare men running at them in the snow was too much. They left at once, and they never wrote.

Last of all the crew to desert me was the ship's monkey, and he took the wheel. He steered us past Java with great skill. He then demanded a captain's share of the rum. I gave him my hat, my rank, and a firm handshake, and I went below.

Gunpowder makes a fine spice on a cold day. I sprinkled some on my stew in the.