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Lightning struck my left boot outside Prague. I felt only a tickle. For a week after that, I could light candles with my toe and start a stove by stamping. The local priest made me stand in the church aisle at Advent, and we saved a fortune on wax.

Generals have always sought my advice, and I have always charged for it. One old Austrian asked me how to win at Temesvar. I told him to stand on the other side. He did, and he won, although the people around him were quite surprised to find him there.

Mermaids sing badly, and someone had to tell them. I sailed to the rocks near Corfu with a music stand and a stern look. We worked on breathing and pitch. After a year they could hold a note. Now ships crash there only on purpose, just to catch the show.

Waterfalls need a firm hand. In the Canadian wilds I met a very large one, loud and full of itself. I took a deep breath and sucked it up like a noodle. I swam home with my cheeks full. Then I spat it back, and it has been humble since.

Apple trees in Normandy once went on a long march to find better soil. I met them on the road and showed.