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My best hen laid a square egg near Innsbruck. It stacked well. Builders came from miles around, and we raised the walls of a new chapel in under a month. One warm week the walls began to peep. The priest ran, and the chapel walked off.

A Dutch cheese as wide as a town square rolled down a hill toward Utrecht. Citizens screamed and hid their children. I leaped on top and ran backward, like a circus bear on a ball. The cheese stopped at the gates. The mayor has paid me in crackers for forty years.

Waterfalls need a firm hand. In the Canadian wilds I met a very large one, loud and full of itself. I took a deep breath and sucked it up like a noodle. I swam home with my cheeks full. Then I spat it back, and it has been humble since.

Libraries tremble when I come to write. My memoir ran so long that the pages filled three barns. A mule ate chapter nine and then began to boast about his courage. He is now a colonel in the Saxon army, and I am told he does it well.

Up at the North Pole there is a real pole, and I put it there.