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Mirrors have always been kind to me. One in Paris fell in love and refused to show anybody else. Ladies stood before it and saw only my face, and this led to some trouble. I had it moved to my bedroom, and we have been happy ever since.

Crocodiles on the Nile have poor teeth, and I was their first dentist. I propped the jaws open with my sword and went in with pliers up to my waist. Forty patients lined up on the bank. They paid in lost rings, old sandals, and one slightly chewed Egyptian prince.

Roosters woke me too early, so I taught mine to crow at noon. The whole village soon lost track of the day. Bakers slept in. Priests said Mass at dusk. The mayor begged me to stop it, and I agreed, for a small pension and all the eggs in town.

My favorite cannon caught a cold that winter. Each shot came out with a sneeze and flew sideways. The enemy could never guess where to stand. I fed the gun hot broth and wrapped its barrel in wool. It got well at once, which I regret, for we lost the very next battle.

Giants are poor at sums. I met one near Bergen who wished to trade his mountain for three of my.